Fierro, Falafel, and Fowl
by bookzarewonder
Summary: **SPOILERS FOR ARTEMIS FOWL AND MAGNUS CHASE** After Artemis dies, he finds himself in the Norse afterlife. When he meets up with is new friend Liam, and tries to find a way to bring himself back to life, he might have gotten into more trouble than he can handle alone. *also some Fierro-Chase fluff* ON HAITUS
1. chapter 1

Hi everyone! Just some background info before I start. This particular FanFic occurs between the end of the last chapter and before the epilogue in Artemis Fowl, and after Ship of the Dead. *SPOILERS for BOTH books*

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or thier AU's. Rights go to Eion Colfer and Rick Riordan for making these wonderful characters.

No Flame please. I welcome any feedback whatsoever, as long as it is not offensive.

Chapter 1:

Artemis

Artemis awoke with sweat clinging to his forehead and tears in his eyes. He had done the right thing. He was going to be fine. He was dead. But, he would be fine.

Holly, Butler. They are ok.

How times have changed. Once, He wouldn't have even entertained the thought of giving himself up for someone else. Even Butler. But not now. He was different. And if his past deeds overcome his good, which is very probable, Artemis would be ready.

He slowly opened his eyes, ready to face whatever might be standing over him. Ready to judge him. He of all people would be able to present a good case. Artemis laid a hand on the ground next to him, but instead of finding stone, he found grass. He stood up. For the first time in a few minutes, Artemis questioned his safety. He had traveled all over the world, but never anywhere like this. His surroundings looked like a meadow, with bright green grass and wild plants growing in every direction. The sky was bright, and warming, but not so hot as to burn. Definitely not as hot as Ho Minh Chin City.

Artemis wracked his brain for useful information. If he was truly in the afterlife, he would have to figure out which one. He was definitely not in a golden city, or underground. So that marked out a few religions and cultures. Not Egyptian. Not Greek. Not Roman. Stupid! Artemis scolded himself. Greek and Roman afterlife are the same thing.

Interrupting his train of thought, a glowing figure appeared before him. It was a woman, dressed in golden robes. Dramatic much? The lady of gold walked, wait no glided in front of him, and smiled politely.

"Welcome to Fólkvangr! I am Freya. Asynjur of your new afterlife!"

Artemis took a step forward and by habit straightened his blazer and green tie. He held out his hand. "Artemis Fowl II at your service."

Freya looked at the boy. He was barely 18 by the looks of him, but he had a powerful atmosphere around him.

"Artemis Fowl you say? Tell me, how did you die?"

"Complex story, my lady, and I'm afraid that I am not ready or quite willing to share it in this setting and situation." Artemis stated with an authority that Freya admired. " Would you mind telling me where I am once again? And perhaps if my friends are ok?"

Freya coughed. "Of course, Artemis," she said, putting emphasis on every syllable of his name, "this is Fólkvangr. A land for the dead to prepare before Ragnarök. You should be happy, you are among the honored."

Fólkvangr. That name sounded familiar. Norse. It had Viking origins. Something to do with dying in battle. The afterlife for people who die in battle. Freya, she must have chosen him before Odin, who owns Valhalla, he thought. The counterpart of Fólkvangr. Artemis was suddenly glad he had taken that online college course on Norse mythology last summer.

"Freya, I am honored. If I can be of any service to you. Please, notify me." suggested Artemis. This didn't seem real. But he had dealt with fairies before. If fairies exist, the Old Norse gods could too. Holly mentioned having being Cupid's descendant. Maybe even the Greek gods exist.

Artemis looked down at his loafers. They were clean. No scratches or dirt, no evidence of the fall down the hill, the lake, or the attack of the crickets. He must have gotten them cleaned when he died. I am going to have to get used to saying that, Artemis thought.

"Right this way, I will show you to Sessrúmnir, the Hall where we feast every night."

Artemis followed the goddess, and studied his surroundings. He had to get out of here. He had to find Holly.

Artemis finally got his chance when they approached the sidewalk leading up to the hall. It was plastered with gold and marble. Artemis' eyes wandered around the gardens, and something caught his attention. A pool, that glittered silver stood on the edge of the gate that surrounded Sessrúmnir.

"My lady, I have an inquiry, if you would not mind giving me a brief answer."

If his suspicions were right. Artemis would be out of here by sundown, if the sun even went down.

"Of course Artemis. What is it that you want to know about? Your parentage? Your room? We have a help desk you know."

"Oh I am sure that the help desk is quite informative, but I was hoping to get an answer from you. What is that pond over there by the bushes?"

"That pond you say? It leads to Midgard. Although I am not to say where, it depends on the mood the water is in." Freya sighed. " I doubt you would know what Midgard is anyway. Mortals these days are so clueless."

"So clueless." Agreed Artemis with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. But if Freya heard it, she didn't say anything about it.

The rest of the night passed by in a breeze. Almost quite literally, for the wind spirits that were serving the food nearly swept away the hundreds of thousands of people who were eating along side Artemis, both young and old. He didn't talk, instead optioning to fill his mouth with the mead, which tasted oddly like Irish spring water, and the mystery meat, which, surprisingly enough, tasted like Foie gras, Artemis' favorite meal that his cook used to make before they had to lay him off because of the shortage of funds.

When the night came, Artemis found himself herded towards the door in the back of the hall. The door was, once again plated with gold. At the end of the hallway, which was connected to the door, was a set of about 20 elevators each labeled with numbers. 60-67 one read, 28-32 said another.

Ages, Artemis realized. The younger men and women went to the right, and the older to the left. Artemis made his way east and soon found his lift. 17-19

Apparently many young adults were dying valiantly.

"Hey!" shouted a voice from behind him. "Nice suit!"

Artemis turned, his face a stone wall. "Thank you very much sir, it's Louis Copeland. Designer. Now, if you will excuse me, I must get to my room.

The teen was about Artemis' age, with brown hair that was curled at the tips. He wore a pale blue tee shirt with a picture of Percy Chamburuka, one of the more popular musicians In Ireland, with black jeans and gray cloudrunners.

"Liam, Liam Cape. Son of Brokkr. You must be new. I haven't seen someone anything like you before, dude," he lightly punched Artemis on the shoulder, "and if I have, I'm sure I would remember it. "

Artemis scoffed. "Please, you have never seen the likes of anyone like me before." He winked at Liam with his one hazel eye.

" I bet I have..." started Liam, but Artemis was already in the elevator, and not listening.

When the door opened, Artemis was the first out. He could not stand the chatter and was glad to finally get out. He walked down the first part of the hall and turned right under a sign that read A-H. Wether it was classified by last name or first, it didn't really matter. This hallway, unlike the others, was deserted. There was no gold, but instead, metal and white lilies.

Swords hung from the walls like you would see paintings in a museum. Each was unique in its own way. Some looked newly made, and some looked like they might fall apart if someone so much as breathed on them. Artemis had no interest in going back to his room, so he didn't. For almost two hours he walked up and down the hall, humming Beethoven's 8th symphony, studying the artifacts and works of masonry.

By the time Artemis' eyes started to droop, he was already walking towards the end of the hallway, scanning for his name or something on a door that would signify that it was his. All of the other rooms were occupied, except for two, and the idea of a warm shower was starting to appeal to the tired genius. Artemis soon found a door marked with a silver A F. It had to be his. Artemis reached for the door, but something flew by his ear and landed on the brass doorknob.

"You don't think you would get in that easily did you?"

Artemis turned, annoyed. " I should have known I would have to talk to someone as idiotic as you before the night was over."

Liam drew a throwing knife from his pocket and let another fly, this time narrowly missing Artemis' foot.

"An idiotic person like me? Artemis how could you?" Liam paused.

Artemis smirked, not letting it show that this lower class imbecile was getting to him. How did he know my name?

"If you were a name tag, " Liam started, as if reading his thoughts. Artemis had forgotten the name tag that was clipped on his jacket.

He smiled his signature vampire smile and clasped his hands together. "Mr. Cape, is it? I have no interest in playing along with your little antics so if you would kindly move along..."

"Wipe that smirk of your face Fowl, before I wipe it off with a knife." He took a step closer, took aim and launched.

The knife grazed Artemis' jaw and buried itself in the wooden table at the end of the corridor. Liam threw another one, but this time Artemis was ready. He summoned a sword from the wall, and sidestepped, just as the knife sailed through what should have been his right shoulder. Artemis reached out his hand and tried to catch the sword, but failed. He dropped it like the uncoordinated clutch he was. He bent down and picked the glowing piece of metal up. It was silver, with runes and glowing inscription running up the sides. It was light weight, but strong. Just the right size for him.

"Nice job man! It takes most new kids weeks before their weapon comes off the wall and picks them. You must have some strong willpower. "

Liam turned and raised his hand. The knifes melted. Actually melted. Then rose into the air, and floated back to Liam.

It was all Artemis could do to keep a straight face and watch as the teenager in his pale tee shirt walk back into his room and shut the door. He had some major studies to complete, and some plotting to do.

P.S

I know this went by fast but keep in mind that is is a short story and not a novel. I will be working on this as much as I can, but I can't guarantee a date yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about all the bad mistakes with the first chapter, my device was glitching, but that's besides the point. This installment should be more exciting, and I have made sure to fix all of the errors...**

oOoooOoooOoooOo

 **Chapter 2:**

 **Artemis**

Artemis walked into his room, which was labeled 325, and shut the door. _Five, a good number._

The light flickered on and the room lit up. In the right corner, there was a storm gray couch and a flat screen television. Artemis took another step forward and noticed a plain black suitcase, his favorite one, setting beside a modern fireplace and end table. To his left was a queen sized bed and a door that looked like it might lead to a closet.

Artemis picked up the suitcase and rolled it towards the bed. He sat his new sword up against the wall and continued to explore. On the small table beside it sat a small smart phone and a piece of paper.

 _This weeks schedule:_

 _Monday:_

 _Swordplay (teams) 10:00_

 _Lunch 12:00_

 _Arts and crafts 2:00_

 _Dinner 5:00_

 _Curfew 11:00_

Artemis skipped past the agendas and looked for any important information. There, at the bottom of the paper, listed some basic facts.

 _\- All activities will be held in outside the hall._

" (A.k.a the big meadow) " was scribbled in pen right underneath.

Idiots. I can't even get a break when I'm dead, thought Artemis.

He sat the suitcase on the bed easily. Neatly stacked inside was his laptop, his favorite suit, two polos (for casual wear), and 4 pairs of pants. They are going to be creased. Great.

He unpacked his toothbrush, toothpaste, and other self care items, and facepalmed.

Underneath, was his Randomosity tee shirt, red boxers, the ridiculous costume that he had had to wear when he tried to save JJ, and a picture of Myles and Beckett playing at the manor with Juliet. It was amazing how long ago the memories felt.

Artemis crossed the room and walked through the door on the opposite wall as his bed. He walked into the bathroom, as he had concluded, put his stuff up, and took a cold shower. A habit from the Manor, because there was never enough hot water after Myles and Beckett were finished. Artemis stepped out of the glass doors, and dried off. He got dressed in the light green polo and gray slacks, and got ready to walk out into his room when out of the corner of his eyes, Artemis caught his reflection in the mirror.

No scratches, no bruises, the pale adolescent looked the best he had ever seen himself. Artemis didnt remember working out, but somehow, his usually thin fame, had begun to fill up his shirt.

"Must be something everyone gets when they die," reasoned Artemis, remembering the quick reflexes he had had in the hallway.

Artemis walked over to his bed, and finished unpacking, energized from the shower. He left out his laptop on the desk, which was way smaller than the one he had at his house, of course. Inside of the dark wood drawers was a pad of paper, a pencil, and a calculator. There was also a thin white computer sitting on the counter. The basic necessities.

Artemis logged on to his own laptop, and opened a site for college students to study on. He signed in as his false account for administrators. Of course Artemis qualified as an professor, but the job did not appeal to him. Just as the cursor clicked onto the Norse Afterlife article, written by one of his favorite profiles, totally_not_mimir, (a stupid name,) his computer blacked out, with only a little box of writing.

 _\- Hello, this is the Fowl Residence. Your account has not been verified. This computer will now be wiped of its data and transferred to our mainframe. In the top left hand corner was a timer counting down from 1 minute._

"D'arvit!" swore Artemis, and rolled back in his chair.

Artemis let the timer run out. It was useless trying to hack himself. Plus, even if he did, Butler would no doubt be checking the computers for any sign of him. Holly might even be done with the clone, thought Artemis. Even though Artemis didn't like being without his companions, it might be better to leave these two worlds separate. Who knows what might happen if the two worlds crossed. Plus, his security was the best. Artemis couldn't get in if he tried.

He slammed the top down, and the screen cracked. _Stupid strong arms_. It looked like he would have to use the white desktop that was located on the corner of the table.

Artemis bypassed the login and signed in as a guest. No need to wipe this computer too. He disabled the search filters, and once again opened the same site, hacked his way into the administrator home screen and opened the same article. Just a basic refresher. After that, he read an article on Midgard, and Yaggdrasil, (the tree that connect all of the nine worlds.)

Artemis had composed a close to complete file, full of Norse Mythology stories, gods, and important fact. He emailed it to his secret web account, that even Butler didn't know about. Artemis would have to find a new portable laptop, but that wasn't at the top of his to do list which was also stored on his backup account. This research was much easier than searching for the People of course, because he was only looking for stories, and not locations and proof.

Artemis glanced over at the clock beside his bed. 1:48. No matter though. It wasn't like he had any business meetings or crucial matters to attend to. One last thing to complete.

The sword. Artemis walked back over to the night stand/table and grabbed the hilt of the shining metal. He didn't know he knew to try to summon this, weapon, instead of walking inside of his room, but apparently it was normal from the way Liam had described it. Maybe it was all part of a benefit package when you died.

 _\- Free abs and weapon in your first 10 days!_

After a few minutes of looking over the glowing runes for anything he might recognize, Artemis retired from his work, layed down on his bed and fell fast asleep.

 **The next day...**

"Hey you!" someone screamed into his door, "Arty!"

Artemis ignored the noises and and changed into the spare set of clothes the hotel had provided. There was no use in trying to stand out even more. The set of, he shuddered, jeans and a yellow tee shirt with a white F on the front. On the belt was a sheath and what Artemis assumed to be a practice sword.

"Great. Now I look even more ridiculous." He murmured to himself.

The knocking continued, and sooner or later Artemis would have to answer the door. He grabbed a yougurt cup and a spoon from the fridge and opened the door. Sure enough, Liam was standing there, dressed in a gray tee shirt and the standard pair of the hideous jeans. He carried a silver sword about the size of Artemis' training sword, but it was a bit longer. Probably adjusted to fit Liam's tall frame.

"Dude! We're gonna be late! Hurry up!" Liam grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards the end of the hallway. "Didn't you read the Agenda? Swordplay with your team at ten!"

Artemis rolled his eyes. "I hardly think that is nessesary. I won't be staying here much longer let's just say that."

Liam shoved Artemis around the corner and into a room like his, only with different colored floors and walls.

Artemis took a seat in one of the chairs and finished the yogurt. He watched Liam rummage through the drawers, apparently looking for something. When he got to the cabinet beside the tv, he pulled out what looked like a water bottle filled with a silver liquid.

"If you will excuse me, I must be going," mumbled Artemis getting up from his chair. " See you later..." he hesitated. "Liam."

"Your not going anywhere. Without. Me." Liam sighed. "If your planning on getting out, your taking me with you."

"I don't believe so. Mr. Cape. Sorry but I have very important matters to attend to and they do not belong in the hands of angry teenagers." replied Artemis calmly.

Liam grabbed his sheath if throwing knifes off of his beside table and lead Artemis out the door. His brown hair had been messed up and really needed to be fixed and his socks clearly didn't match, but Artemis wasn't about to anger the guys who knew how to use the daggers. He looked as comfortable with the weapon as Butler did with his Sig Sauer.

"Look, _Mr. I'm too important for you_ , I have friends to go back home to too, and some much needed skill here so I would appreciate it if you would fill me in!"

Whispered Liam so no one else could hear.

Artemis sighed. He knew he was no good with anything having to do with physical activity, and he didn't know much about this place. (Even though he had already downloaded the schematic.)

"Fine. I have to go back to my room and get some stuff first. If you want to get out of here, come with me. I don't have a lot of time."

"Sure. I understand. Forever just isn't long enough for you." Hissed Liam.

Artemis put his hand on the door and it opened. He unlocked his computer and shut the door.

Liam sat in the swivel chair and started eating Cheetos he had grabbed from a passerby, while Artemis grabbed his newly claimed sword.

"So. Here's the plan..."

oOoooOoooOoooOo

 **Please leave a review**!


	3. Chapter 3

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 **Artemis:**

Once Liam got the specifics of the plan, Artemis grabbed a waterbottle out of the mini fridge and packed one of the empty backpacks sitting in the closet.

Liam laid back on his bed, hands behind his head.

"You really did over complicate things. You know that?"

"No, I just planned for the best. If even one step goes wrong, we have to have a back up. We need to have a backup." sighed Artemis. "I'm the planner, it's what I do. You, Mr. Cape, are the brute."

"Hey! I'm not stupid." Shouted Liam.

"I didnt say you were. In fact, if you were dumb, I wouldn't bother talking to you."

Artemis grabbed the granola bars and the last water bottle, shoved it in the bag, and zipped it up. The zipper was gold, on black fabric with a picture of a cat on the strap. It was obviously mass produced because of the cross stitching, but it seemed in pretty good condition.

"You can stop calling me Mr.Cape too. We know each other's names now. We almost like each other."

"You don't know me. We might be the same age, but we are not at the same level." Scoffed Artemis.

Liam chuckled. "Ok. Ok. No need to be harsh. Besides, once we get back to Midgard, we can go our separate ways. Deal?"

"Deal." Agreed Artemis. The sooner he could get on his own the better. Then he could make his trip home, and finally see his friends.

Liam looked over at the clock. The red letters beeped and it turned 10:15. They were going to be late. He kicked on his black vans, snatched the waterbottle out of Artemis' hand and walked out he door.

"Come on sloth. By the time we get out there the sun will have set. Five times."

"Your right. Let's go."

Liam sped down the hallway and actually jumped ot the window. Artemis almost called after him, but then refrained, they were dead. They had more muscles, or so Liam had said, and if he died he would just wake up in his room later. Hopefully.

He took his time, riding down the elevator and into Sessrúmnir. The enormous tables were abandoned, the only thing present, the smell of eggs and gravy from breakfast. The giant golden diodes were left open and bright sunshine spilled through the tributes glass windows. A beautiful sight, but there was no time. Liam was mostly done with his part of the plan. Artemis needn't waste time.

Shouts imitated from the _big lawn_ and the garden was just out to his left.

Vines hung down from the tall oaks and little ferns, trying to reach the ground and the flowers grew in little patches, striving for any sunlight they could catch in thier light green leaves. The pool was in the center of the the garden, lily pads and pale pink flowers were placed around the edge, almost like it was out of a story, which if course, since he was dealing with the gods know, it probably was.

Sitting by the pool was a falcon, beak shimmering with droplets of water and bush of lime green berries. It turned, and Artemis realized that on the tips of each of the falcons feathers there was a gold tint. Obviously a pet for Freya, and not to be bothered with, especially considering the falcon was bigger than most. Even with Artemis' new found agility, he doubted there was any chance that he could get past it without tripping by or getting a good scratch across the face.

He looked up for any signal that Liam had already completed his part of the plan, but, the signal was not there. The falcon cried and it's head swiveled around to where Artemis was just standing.

"D'arvit!" Quietly swore Artemis as he ducked behind the nearest willow tree. The falcon was Definitely watching him now; hopefully Liam was done. The sun was almost directly over him, but there was plenty of shade.

Artemis sat down, far enough away so that the bird couldn't see him anymore, and took a deep breath. Then, five trees down from where the golden falcon was perched, a small sardine was pushed out of the bushes by a slightly tan hand.

The falcon flapped it's wings and landed right next to the fish, seeming to inspect it. Artemis held his breath. Fast as lighting the bird picked the stinky food up and swallowed the poor sardine whole. The falcon immediately fell to the ground. A boy in a great tee shirt climbed out of the underbrush.

"Glad to see you could make it." Grumbled Artemis.

"Hey, just be glad I was right, and I know where to get seditives. You would be alive without me, I saved your sorry butt. That falcon would have dealt with you skinner or later."

"It wouldn't have even spotted me at all, if you didn't show up so late."

Liam threw his backpack on the ground. "Your jumping in first," he said taking out his phone.

"Besides, I want to be here to video it if you fail."

Artemis opened his mouth to respond, but a quiet voice interrupted him.

"Did you really think I would let you go?" thundered Freya, "Especially since you obviously poisoned my bird…"

Artemis cut her off, smirking. "Too late." Liam tossed the backpack into the water and pushed Artemis in, which would most likely earn him a yelling at later, from the pale teen. Liam didn't care. He had had his fair share of people, and he learned to ignore it.

Artemis fell straight into the water, and was surrounded by bubbles. He couldn't see how far under he was, and the water was almost suffocating. He tried to breath in, but Artemis instead filled his lungs with ice cold water, which was weird considering how warm the water in the pond should be with the sun over it. In butler's time off, he had taught Artemis how to swim and Artemis was grateful. He took five really weak strokes upward and surface gasping. He looked around, and Artemis realized was not in the small garden.

He doggy-paddled to the shore, and looked up at the bridge over him and was surprised to see no one staring at him. There was a couple of golden duck statues around what looked to be like a city park. A Make way for Ducklings sign was placed on the ground next to it, and it looked relatively new, beside it, was another sign that read, Do not touch the sign.

Artemis pulled on the backpack, concealed the sword, because there was no way someone wouldn't stop him before he entered anytype of building with decent security. The first thing to do was figure out where he was, and then get some money for a plane ride home. There was a tourist station on the next street over, and that was where his first stop should be. He was soaking wet, and he also needed a shower and a change of clothes, but that could be dealt with later.

Inside, the warm air was a nice comfort, and the maps were just beside the door. Maps of Boston. The United States. Artemis took out his phone and pulled up his own database of the city, and walked out of the frigid air, towards the food court in the middle of the city. The walk took about 10 minutes, but it wasn't horrible. There were only a few people and none of which paid him any attention. People don't see what they don't want to.

There was a ATM by the Leif Erikson statue, and Artemis took out a few hundred dollars. He could treat himself to something a little later. Maybe some Caviar of some local food. There was looked like a couple sitting by the Fadlan's Falafel, down the street, that was kept sneaking glances at him. The one, with green hair looked like she was going to cut the one with blond hair head off, because of embarrassment. Then, both of them got up and started making their way towards Artemis.

"D'arvit!" he cussed and started walking the other way. Then, what seemed like a gray strip of cloth was placed over his face and the world went black...

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Thanks for sticking with me! Sorry it took so long to get Bean town and Alex into the story but here we are! I have some good ideas of some FierroChase fluff... until next time.


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